Ethan and school

Today, Thursday, March 8, is international women's day. Romania celebrates this day in many ways. At school Ethan and Nathaniel will put on a program at their school to honor their mothers. Unfortunately, Stephanie will have to miss one of them because their schools are presenting them at the same time. The boys will recite a brief poem. However, this is not what this blog is about.

Yesterday, Ethan came home and gave Stephanie the invitation he had made for her. Stephanie took it, looked at it and commented on how pretty it looked. That's when Ethan broke into tears. He told us that his teacher had stood by to look at what he was coloring and said, "Ce urat colorezi." If there were moments in which I would not have wanted Ethan to understand Romanian, this would have been one of them. He told me that he just sat there in silence the rest of the time. What had she said to him that made him feel so bad? "How ugly you are coloring".

We were shocked that a teacher dedicated to the eduation of our children would say such a thing! We were quite upset with the teacher. I told Ethan that what she says is not important. He had made it for his mother and that is what counts. She liked because it came from him, not from the teacher. At first I decided that I would have a talk with the teacher about it.

This morning, however, Stephanie and I did more discussed the matter more fully and decided that talking to the teacher would probably not be the best way to handle it. Ninety-nine percent of the time she is very good to him and helps him as much as possible. Ethan brings home a comment notepad each day to show his progress and grades in class. Stephanie plans to write a comment to the teacher, thanking her for helping Ethan and telling her how pretty his invitation was. Ethan likes his teacher very much, and we do not want jeopardize this relationship.

We have several reasons why we decided not to talk with her. The first reason is cultural and the second is parental. One time, one of the boys was coloring a picture and Mihail, one of the brothers here, told him "no, that looks ugly". We did not translate that and just let it go. It seems that Romanians have a different perspective on this that we may not understand. It seems also that Romanians in general expect a lot more artistically or academically from their children than we do, whereas many parents in American culture would expect alot out of children in athletics. By observation, we've noticed that children here are sometimes not allowed to be just that--children. But, I could say the same thing at an American ballgame.

Also, it seems that schooling styles differ here in that the styles we've seen seem to be the same as the American style, say, fifty years ago. For example, when children ask a question or want to comment, they must raise the hand, stand next to their desk and ask the question or answer a question in a complete sentence. We wondered if the teacher's comment to Ethan was a common practice to what our parents or grandparents may have experienced in school long ago (no, I don't mean to make you feel old! :) ). We understand that teachers want to challenge their students, but did teachers then challenge them in a negative way such as the Romanian teacher? Perhaps some of you who are reading would like to comment on your experience and make comparison.

The second reason we declined to comment is because of the "self-esteem" movement within the past 20 years that sends parents into a frenzy for any comment or deed made by a teacher. We did not want to overeact as some parents in the states do when their children are corrected firmly by a teacher. Much of the self-esteem doctrine is not healthy for children who are not challenged to do their best. We also want Ethan to learn how to take criticism and how to endure, rather than having Mom and Dad hover over him at every turn. We want our children to have a good self-imag, knowing that God loves them and gives them the confidence to work hard and build that esteem through the things they accomplish by the Lord's help.



The difficulty is knowing when to intervene on our children's behalf and when to let them "ride it out". Sometimes those lines can be quite blurred in special situations where we must try to must understand where the others are coming from.

Please feel free to leave your comments and even suggestions.

Thanks,
Eric